A Letter to him…

I’m sitting here in my room and please tell me why, the thought of you came to my mind.

Your smile, your warmth, your kiss, is all but near.

I feel sad… well sad might not be the word…but rather a big emptiness… sort of like a despair.

I want you to fill me up like you did in the past.
The excitement, the butterflies of when we first held hands… and it didn’t stop there, we even kissed. I didn’t know you and you didn’t know me, what the hell am I doing? Oh god I’m going to jail, I just kissed a minor.

I miss you a lot. I wish you were back.
Do you remember those moments back in the past?

Like the times where you call me out of no where to say you love me.
Like the times where I don’t seem like a chore.
Like the times where we were always happy.
Like the times where you don’t hesitate once to say you love me.

I miss that a lot. I miss you a lot. I just wish you were back.

this is a photo of me and BJ when we first started dating. Infact, it was the first time we ever took pictures together. [photo from 12/6/2005]

Should Cho’s video not have been released?

Complaints are coming in from all over the United States, that releasing Cho’s video was not only a stupid thing to do, but insensible of the media network, especially during the mourning period.

People are mad at NBC News, and other broadcasters for airing the clip, claiming “they are giving the killer exactly what he wants… fame.” I’m not going to lie. When I saw this video, chills ran down my back, I was looking at the face of a killer. A person so evil to take lives of innocents. But I was also… for a lack of a better word, curious. I wanted to know why he did it, what he was thinking. I’m a visual learner, and although this was the scariest thing i’ve ever saw in my life… i got some insight on his past, his personaility, and his peer reviews. I still don’t understand what he did it, but I at least know his motives.

“The video should not had been shown because it will create a copycat killer”

I do not agree with this. I believe that it is the duty of the media to inform its people of any incidents so that we can be better informed citizens. This type of complaint isn’t even reasonable… if it wasn’t for the news coverage, the world probably wouldn’t even hear of this tragedy. And, If it wasn’t shown, some moron could still be idolizing the Columbine video. If anything this video did, it brought a sense of community between colleges and a new found relationship between the popular kids and the “loner[s]“. As history has shown us, we learn from our mistakes… though this guy clearly had problems, he was still a loner [in college]… i believe that more interaction between us and this kid [or types of kids] would probably had steered this event in a different direction.

[UPDATE] The University of Texas at Arlington will be holding a memorial service on Friday, April 20 to honor those who were lost during the Virginia Tech Tragedy. Please be on campus (Library Mall) from 12-1:30 to show your support for VT.

Shooter writes violent plays

An AOL employee, an old class mate of Cho, has released copies of plays that could probably had some relation to the deaths yesterday.

http://newsbloggers.aol.com/2007/04/17/cho-seung-huis-plays/

Professor gives up life for students

Liviu Librescu, professor of Virginia Tech was one of the fallen victims of Monday’s massacre. A holocaust survivor, it was reported that Mr. Librescu threw himself in front of the door to barricade it and yelled at his students to flee.

E-mails from grateful students arrived soon after Mr. Librescu was shot to death, telling how the Holocaust survivor barricaded the doorway of his Virginia Tech classroom and saved their lives at the cost of his own.

“My father blocked the doorway with his body and asked the students to flee,” Librescu’s son, Joe Librescu, said Tuesday in a telephone interview from his home outside Tel Aviv. “Students started opening windows and jumping out.” (Quote from Dallas Morning News)

Dr. Phil blames video games for Virginia Tech shooting

I was watching an interview on CNN yesterday with guest speaker, Dr. Phil. Because of yesterdays horrific shooting, which by the way, ended up with 33 dead including the shooter, Dr. Phil blamed video games for the caused. What in buddha hell is he thinking?!?! Video games?? I’m not a fan of the video games at all, and i’m not going to say video games don’t have a motive in certain criminal shooting cases, but yesterday’s shooting had no correlation what so ever to a video game. Dr. Phil, (and I hope the search engines index this too) you are a moron! Maybe you should go back and keep working with match.com. I hate it with a passion when these “professionals” come on and make an assumption on people’s lives with no background evidence and because they don’t know what they are talking about, they blame the first thing they can find, in this case, video games on society.

“Cho left a long and vitriolic note in his dorm room, law enforcement sources told ABC News. It contains an explanation of his actions and states, “You caused me to do this,” ABC News reported.

It also railed against “rich kids,” “debauchery” and “deceitful charlatans” on campus, according to the Chicago Tribune.â€?

This guy clearly had grudges against the school’s administration.

Virginia Tech Shooting

A shooting has just occured at Virginia Tech University. If you have friends that attend that school make sure you contact them. 22 confimed dead as of 11:53 cst.

“University Advisory:Shootings close campus; gunman deceased
04/16/2007, Updated 12:40 p.m.

Two shootings on campus today have left 22 confirmed dead, including students.
Families wishing to reunite with students are suggested to meet at the Inn at Virginia Tech. The university is planning a convocation for tomorrow at noon at Cassell Coliseum for the university community to come together to begin to deal with the tragedy.
Counseling is available in the Bowman Room in the Merriman Center (part of the athletic complex) for employees who seek assistance following today’s events.
All faculty and staff have been released and asked to go home effective immediately.
The university will open tomorrow at 8 a.m. but classes are cancelled.”

Follow-Up (SGP Prom 2007)

As I mentioned in my earlier blog, I was a little upset that I didn’t get to have my first dance with BJ at his senior prom because he was part of the court. The reason this upsets me so much was because all the way up until prom I was nervous about having that dance and was scared shitless thinking about it. I couldn’t wait for it though. I was so excited when we got to the front doors of the Union station. I didn’t have this dance that I wanted during my high school prom, so I wanted to at least have it with my loved one this year because i’m getting way too damn old to be dating high school kids. Nonetheless, I didn’t get the chance to experience it, nor will I ever again, I guess.

On Monday after my initial posting I got really upset and decided to call BJ. His choir banquet was coming up so I figured I let him know ahead of time about something…

“Baby I know this is really stupid, but it’s really bothering me… can I have the first dance with you at the banquet?” - Tracy

[pause]

“Of course you can baby, you can have the first dance and the last dance, and any other dance…” - BJ

That slightly made my day better, but I still didn’t get the dance, at what is suppose to be one of the most special times for every individual. I felt like crap throughout the day and then later during the day decided to talk to BJ about what was on my mind. I went over to his house about 12:13am this morning and we talked. I was surprise at how quickly he understood why I felt the way I did and he explained himself in a way where he doesn’t totally deny being at fault or whatever. He acknowledge the problem, and actually understood it… that’s all it took to make me feel way better than I’ve did on prom night two days ago… and two years ago.

After we talked about it, (we were sitting down at the patio) I guided him with my right hand out of the patio towards the big open yard. We then slowly embraced as he apologizes again and quietly layed his head next to mine as we danced under the night’s full moon.

SGP Prom 2007

Prom was awesome! It was almost everything I expected it to be. I just kinda wish I had the first dance (which was the worst part of the night) with BJ and that he spent a little more time with me, but all-in-all, it was pretty great. However, the times that BJ and I did dance we got a lot of photo ops…

“sorry, I just need proof of this” said one girl who snapped a photo of us. I guess she never saw two gay guys. :-)

We also got lil gifts as with all proms which is pictured. We just got the wine glass, but I took the crap off the table and stuffed it in the cup to make it a little more pretty :-) The rose in the wine glass was the booty-nier (can’t spell it) that BJ gave me. You can check out prom photos on my myspace. I will add more as I find them throughout myspace and facebook.