Boyfriend, bestfriend…him or me?
I got myself into a very difficult situation. So difficult of a situation that the guy I love is still pissed at me! You often hear about bestfriends who split apart because of the boyfriend or the girlfriend and all that other drama that is commonly associated with it. “It’s him, or me!” And of course they choose the person they love more which ironically happens to be the 3 month boyfriend instead of the 4 years of friendship. That’s exactly how the relationship between one of my bestfriends and I ended. It was a tragedy, a huge lost… her lost.
Anyways, as most of you know I have a boyfriend… a very great boyfriend name BJ. My problem is he has this bestfriend. Who can sometimes be so annoying and impatient! A bestfriend that he’s so close with that they seldomly make out and occasionally sleep around. Now I don’t mind, he could do whatever he wants to do… but sometimes I just don’t know where to draw the line. I mean who can when the boyfriend, and the bestfriend…is me?
I was lucky enough to become BJ’s boyfriend and at the same time, his bestfriend. No it’s not some weird fetish of his. That’s just the way we see each other. Amigo’s for life. I don’t know how many of my readers sleep with their bestfriends, but i’m not one of those kind of friends. I’ll get scared something else might arise like jealousy and crap and then I’ll just end up losing another friend and believe me I don’t want to lose anymore people in my life.
As fun as it is, I find it extremely hard and sometimes emotionally painful to balance out my life as his bestfriend, and as his lover. I’m still learning to find the barrier of “how far is too far” when it comes to posturing like a friend or boyfriend. Friends can be rough and curse, but the boyfriend has to be polite and sweet. Friends love each other… but when I’m loving him am I suppose to love as a friend or be as passionate as a boyfriend? When he tell his friends that he loves them, is he telling them that he loves them the very same way he tells me as his bestfriend? That’s what hurts me the most. As selfish as it sounds I don’t want his love for me to equal that of his friends. When it comes to loving me, I want to be the boyfriend, not the best “friend”. I really wish these things had an instruction manual. Any advice guys? Oh and excuse the picture. I know we look 300 lbs bigger.
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June 25th, 2007 at 1:51 am
Trey you are who you are and there is always etiquette about behaving in a certain way in public. Be yourself: best and boy friend are the same person. i wonder what you mean by loving him as a boyfriend or as a best friend surely this is about appropriate demonstration not about type of love: you love BJ, simple as that. Not sure about sleeping with best friends, is very dodgy if they are different people, but go for it if they are the same person. I am sad not to know you both as sean seems to, i might see you both more holistically - if you pardon the grammar.
does that all sound pretentious? if so, sorry.
Hugs to you both
Daren
x
June 25th, 2007 at 5:43 am
I think your creating another relationship within one another one. In a sense your boyfriend does become your best friend. But plain and simple it all comes down to that he’s your boyfriend not best friend. Your like going multipersonality on me or something. lol. Its like yeah Wen your a friend but your also an acquantance. so that would be confusing. Point blank he’s your biffy.
I would like to think of a scenario where someone came in the way of a friendship over a relationship, but i would not like to walk down that alley again.
June 25th, 2007 at 12:19 pm
When I tell my friends…. even you and BJ that I love you I mean it as a friend and that I care for you very deeply. When I tell Marcos that I love him I mean it totally different. I love him emotionally deep down in my heart. BJ loves his friends but he will never love them the way that he loves you.
June 25th, 2007 at 2:33 pm
so his friend. are yall like 3some buddies? haha besides that. maybe you should tell him to stop if its troubling you. i get really jealous fast. and through time. a very short time my bf doesnt even talk to his friends any more. even at parties. we just go there eat, and im the only one talking. i feel bad. but ive given up my friends for him too. so idk if that helps.
June 25th, 2007 at 2:54 pm
I agree with Sean. BJ’s love for you has a deeper and more intense than his love for his friends. I would be mad at you too!!! How dare you question the love of your “husband?” Cookie…i mean Trey, BJ loves you with his souls.
June 25th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
I’m not questioning it, Lakell
June 25th, 2007 at 4:09 pm
Hahaha something tells me, I’d probably be the best advice on this one, seeing as how you know oh so well my situation of a Year and a Half.
Believe you me, I have been in very much the same position of where do I discern between friend and lover. In fact in my situation, it’s almost as if we’re both best friend and “together” simultaneously. Though we’re not actual “boyfriends” we are ex’s, but we still say we love each other every night, we still joke around, and occasionally, yes, I may even get a tad bit jealous - however, in all our joking, and in all our playful manner, we never forget that we care about one another in very specific ways.
We do still make out or even sleep together from time to time, and I’ve never stopped loving him. Maybe that’s the why it’s stayed the way it is, but whatever the case, we do still love each other very much, but more so in different dimensions.
When you play around, let yourself play around, but just be mindful, that’s all. For instance, me and you call each other names all the time in a playful way - you and BJ can do the same thing, just know where there’s a line that go’s a little far. You can’t very well call your bf a slut or a whore, but you can play like me and mine do: “you’re so gay” or anything obviously playful.
I know how you feel Tracy about him wanting to love you more because he’s your boyfriend/husband, but what Wenz said is true too: you develop that close friendship within your relationship. He’ll always love you another way Tracy, and because of that type of love, he’ll always have a slight value in you more than his friends, but it’s important to also be his friend Tracy, because he’ll need the comfort and satisfaction of knowing he can confide in you.
I hope I’ve been of some service to you my dear Emperor of the Ming Dynasty, and I’m always here if you need anything :p
Love you!
~Me lol
June 27th, 2007 at 9:36 pm
UPDATE - BJ and I had a talked over this and he made me feel a little more… “good”? I don’t know. He said of course he see me as his best friend because I know everything about him and do everything with him. That’s where the word friend from boyfriend came from I guess. I guess it’s just the way he says I love you or ya to them that makes me feel uncomfortable. He seems to be saying it to everybody.
July 2nd, 2007 at 10:46 pm
Ok, it’s good that misunderstanding was cleared up. Sean, Bubba, and Adrian are all right with their comments. BJ loves you in a totally different spectrum than his friends. That’s why he shares everything, even his most intimate feelings with you. Don’t think that he’s crossing over two defined lines. You and BJ share something that can’t be compared to his best friends or other friends. I know I’m late in commenting, but I hope it reinforces what the other people who commented were trying to say. I hope you don’t stay uncomfortable with the way he says I love you to his friends.